The rebuttal – how not to sound like an idiot

March 12, 2010

Ladies!  Come sit up here on Mamasan’s lap.  She’s got a story for you.

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful princess.  And then came along a mean, ugly old hobbyist.  This mean old hobbyist had heard such tales of the princess’s beauty and talent, he could not resist trying to see it for himself.  But the beautiful princess was too careful and only liked to see respectful, nice hobbyists who could get through her screening process.

Well, the mean old hobbyist got very angry.  So he went onto a hobby site and told all the other hobbyists that the beautiful princess was actually ten years older and twenty pounds heavier than her pictures showed, had a pimp who sat outside and timed the hobbyist, and was a real nasty bitch but maybe that’s because he didn’t give the $100 extra tip she tried to get out of him for BBFS.

This shocked the beautiful princess!  She hadn’t ever laid eyes on the mean, ugly old hobbyist, let alone done all those terrible things he said about her.  What was she to do?

Ladies, she is to write a rebuttal.  And here is how.

The username.

The link to the false review.

A short statement consisting solely of the facts on your knowledge of and relationship with this hobbyist.  

I have never seen this hobbyist.  He gave two provider references, and one of the providers said she had never seen him.  Here is a copy of the email I sent to decline his request for an appointment. 


Any circumstantial evidence to support your assertion that the review is false. 

Here is a receipt for Carraba’s, a ticket stub for the movie “Legion” and a receipt from Adam & Eve.  On the day in question, I spent the entire day with provider Blond Lily.  We got our nails done, cruised the mall, picked up new toys and lotions for our gentlemen friends, had some dinner, saw a movie and then got piss-faced at a pub.  She will corroborate this.  I did not have an appointment that day, and certainly not with that hobbyist.

Close with the statement that the review has been reported to the staff.  And then STOP.  Do not editorialize.  Don’t get weepy and emotional.  Don’t say all men suck so bad except maybe the ones who believe you.  Do not mention your children and how you work so hard just to give them the best, and then some asshole has to come along and ruin everything a single mother has worked to build.  Don’t (DON’T) tell them how you did this for him, and that for him, and tried so hard to please him, because you just like pleasing men and it’s so important to you that every guy is happy, and now he’s gone and made you question everything because he didn’t appreciate all you did for him, and maybe you ought to be like those BP girls and just be cold-hearted from now on.

It’s entirely within the realm of possibility that all this shit is true.  It isn’t relevent, though.  It certainly isn’t professional.  You sound like a hysterical drama queen.  Focus, sweetheart – he told a lie, you are exposing the lie and providing any evidence you have to assist with this.  That is all.

In the name of all that’s holy, write it well.  Capitalize.  Punctuate.  Paragraphs are your friend.  Run it through a spell-check.  Then run it by a provider friend who sounds really smart.  Hell, get her to write it FOR you if you think there’s a chance that might be necessary.   Proper English skills are not a requirement of this job, or even of posting on hobby sites (just look at some of the hobbyists).  However, credibility is tied to whether you sound intelligent or like a ditzy flake.  Yes, Mamasan knows this is neither fair nor accurate, but it’s still true.

And then leave well enough alone.  Don’t get involved in any drama that descends onto your rebuttal thread.  If (when) a hobbyist posts on your thread that you should have just kept your mouth shut, make a short reply that rebuttals are considered vital to ensure accurate reviews.  Leave it alone.    If you’ve followed the directions so far you’re doing great and probably making a damned fine impression on the men who spend money.  Don’t ruin it now.

It should go without saying that, when you stated in the rebuttal that you had reported the false review to site staff, you should have actually done so.  Your rebuttal might be a flash in the pan, convincing everyone who sees it at the time that the review was truly false.  The lurkers who come along a month later and search your reviews won’t know this.  Try to get the review removed, or at least a staff note that it is under investigation.


One Response to “The rebuttal – how not to sound like an idiot”

  1. Sarah Says:

    I have written one or two rebuttals. The last one I wrote made me laugh. It also made me feel a whole lot better and put the author well below me in the pecking order.

    ha ha!

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