Google is fun, plus a can of worms

Someone found my blog using “p411 bbfs” as search terms.  Hello!  Bet YOU were just a wee bit surprised.  Nasty git, now go Google “oozing sores” and cover it up.

Still no healthcare wanking.  And I was so looking forward to it.  Imagine the potential!  The angst.  The woe.  The public statements of DNSing hobbyists and providers alike, merely for their politics.  Hobby community, if we can keep this subject wank-free for the rest of the week then Mamasan will say, well played.  Well played indeed.

Now, on to today’s snarking.  I know you know which thread is coming up.  You saw it and thought right off, “Ooh, this’ll be on Mamasan’s blog by the end of the day.”  How right you were, my friends.

The Last Words of Big Pimpin

Let me just get this out of the way, real quick-like, and then we can get to the discussion.  His wife was so completely standing over his shoulder as he typed that.  Bet you half a dollar.  (It’s part of standard couples therapy in regards to adultery now, you know.)

Big Pimpin, you are such a pussy.  And that’s all I have to say on him (surprise!).

My snark here is a related subject which 1) you can find illustrated in the linked thread and 2) has been kind of, sort of, rather (really) bothering the hell out of me for some time now.  It’s on this notion that it’s all the wife’s fault if her husband hobbies.  Well, if she’d have kept him happy at home…  Well, if she hadn’t nagged him…  Well, if she hadn’t driven him to it…

I’ll be the one to say it:  That’s such a crock of shit.

In the interests of full disclosure, I can be seen on Sarah’s blog stating that I think one of her recent blog posts on a less-extreme version of “why men hobby” sounds fairly accurate, and on my own blog quoted as saying, “They’re not bad, they’re lonely” of some of my own customers.

Not here to claim that women cannot be blamed – oftentimes, a measure of culpability can be leveled at them quite legitimately.  She took little pains with her appearance.  She treated him with scorn, disrespect, or as a tiresome duty.  Worse, she treated him as an ATM.  She was too busy to give the level of attention he desires to his physical and emotional needs.   She became sexless, or nearly so.  

All of these are very real, and very compelling, arguments that the woman holds some share of blame when her man strays.  What it doesn’t do is excuse him utterly. 

We’ve all seen the “My wife this” and “My wife that” on the boards, and providers have even heard it in session.  I’m willing to bet there’s a large percentage of truth in every one of those complaints, too.  What I’ve always wondered to myself is, what would the wife say about her hobbyist husband if we asked?  Big Pimpin made a (possibly forced, but let’s not speculate too wildly or we’ll never get anywhere) confession to verbally abusing his wife.  I’d imagine making nasty remarks to your life-partner has something to do with why she’s not aroused by you.

Is anyone really deluding themselves that ALL hobbyists are just charming, perfect husbands plagued with she-devil wives who drove the poor dears mercilessly into the arms of another woman? 

Being an adult means owning your own shit and working to resolve it.  You aren’t getting enough nookie from the little woman.  Well, have you asked her for more?  Have you had a frank discussion with your wife about the desire for passion in your marriage, and then followed up on this by doing things you think might make her more passionate towards you?  Bring home flowers from work.  Buy her a sexy nightie.  Kiss the back of her neck for no reason while she’s cooking your dinner or folding your socks.  Take her out on a date, fer crissake’s, and get her piss-faced drunk on good wine and then take her home where there are NO CHILDREN because you’ve wisely packed them off to your mother’s for the night, and shag like college kids.

She says something nasty and disrespectful.  Have you looked into counseling?  Mention to her that this sort of talk is not appropriate and makes you feel as if she despises you.   

She doesn’t look as good as she once did.  Buddy, I’m pretty certain you don’t either.  Join a gym with her.  Read to her an article about the risk of heart attack and tell her seriously you think you both ought to be more careful about your diet.  Reinforce any positive changes – if she’s finally put on makeup, tell her how pretty she looks.

Make a bloody effort, gents.  What can YOU do to fix the state of your home life and, specifically, your bedroom shenanigans. 

And if you’ve taken her to counseling, told her how pretty she looks on the occasions she makes some effort to look good, helped her diet, bought her nice things and flowers and done the dishes for her and packed the kids off to her mother’s so you could have alone time, had many honest and open discussions on the state of your marriage and your respective needs, and she’s still a rotten bitch…  Give a provider a call, because you’ve done all you can and, dammit, everyone needs to feel special and have the occasional sweaty orgasm.  You, sir, should hobby guilt-free with a piece of work like that at home to deal with.    

No one among you needs justify yourself to Mamasan.  I already assume most of my clientele (but then, I’m choosy) and the gents I like to converse with online have done what an adult needs to do.  

It annoys the piss out of me when I hear providers go on about, “Well, if she’d take better care of her man…”   Blah, blah, blah.  Shaddup.  Better yet, grow up.  You’re a woman, for the love of all that’s holy, you know exactly what it’s like to deal with men.  Some guys are sex addicts.  Some guys are assholes.  Come talk to Mamasan when you’re my age and tell me it’s all a woman’s fault.  When hobbyists go on about how their wife is a total shit and providers have attitude problems and whine, whine, no one understaaaaands me – I’m more inclined to think the problem is him, not whatever woman he’s blaming his life choices on today. 

A large portion of the hobby is that people make shitty decisions in life.  They’re bad husbands, or merely husbands who don’t communicate well.  Goofy women who haven’t fit themselves out for proper work or are incapable of living a responsible life, and turned to escorting because they left themselves little option.  The rest of us are just a bit tired of your self-justifying drivel.  Own your shit and move on – don’t wallow in all this “nothing is ever my fault” nonsense.