Oh, honey, no.

April 9, 2010

The ad. 

The website.

Just… no.

Sweetie.  C’mere.  I’m sure you’re a lovely person, inside and out.  Kind to cats, bald men and your mother and all that.  I’m still laughing at you.  See now, the definition of upscale isn’t “I use the words ‘upscale’ and ‘classy’ a lot and charge more than BP girls”.

Upscale, classy ladies don’t have websites that look like some of the seedier strip clubs.  They can also spell, or at least hire webmasters who can.  Only e. e. cummings can get away with failing to capitalize, and no one can get away with random capitalization for apparent artistic purposes. 

Your website makes my brain hurt.  I’m baffled by your pricing structure, which seems based on whim rather than a solid business method.  I don’t really think you came up with those five-dollar words on your own, though I applaud your grasp of a thesaurus.

Don’t call yourself upscale unless you’ve got the brains to back it up.  Frankly, those with the brains generally don’t call themselves upscale either – they don’t have to.  You, sweet pea, strike me as a hot stripper who doesn’t really know what she’s doing.

I recommend a mentor and a new website, immediately and in that order.  And everyone is hereby forbidden to use that stupid center alignment without written permission from yours truly.


6 Responses to “Oh, honey, no.”

  1. Oh I absolutely LOVE the “random SAT word I found in the thesaurus” method of sounding “educated,” and thereby “classy.”

    I did a site for someone who handed me text that read like the most ridiculous flowery prose I had ever seen in my life. It was truly laughable.

    Sometimes I wonder what goes through peoples minds when they’re trying to craft an upscale image.

    Do they think that “educated” (or upscale) people just sit around all day in mortarboards and monocles trying to “out-bombast” each other?

    And don’t get me started on the escortsite.com template designs. Every template looks like it was designed for strippers with “special needs.” They (the designs) always look cheap and a little on the tacky side, to the point where men have started associating escortsite.com sites with seediness. Quite the opposite of what you want when you’re trying to do the “upscale” thing.

    They need to fire EVERY template designer on escortsite and then force them to learn about color theory and, oh I don’t know, BASIC design dos and don’ts.

    • I lump it all under the catagory of Trying Too Hard. Girls who can’t write decent ads. Website text that just leaves me laughing my arse off. Anyone who doesn’t get why an ad titled “CLASSY GFE ~*~ CUM FUK ME HARD” is fucking funny and also cringe-worthy.

      Look around at the good websites by genuinely classy girls and, regardless of what their rates are, they aren’t really trying to impress. It comes natural.

      There’s a good need in the community for more mentoring and ad-writing services. Too many ladies have no idea how to present themselves.

      Your comment was flagged as spam. No idea why, it oughtn’t have done so and I rescued it from the spam queue as soon as I realized. Sorry for that.

  2. Sarah Says:

    Ladies please.. I don’t understand why you feel the need. leave her alone to do it her way, and you do it yours?

    I do have my own opinions on subjects like this, but when you are slating the competition, it brings you down to a low level, so I keep those opinions firmly to myself.

    Come on?

    • Sarah,

      You’re a doll, and a nicer person than I am. Which explains why I am the one who runs an anonymous blog wherein I point out stupid people doing stupid things and mock them in a very sarcastic manner.

      I could declare the snarking of working girls off-limits in my blog because 1) it is catty 2) at least theoretically, providers are the competition of the puppetmaster behind Mamasan and 3) a sense of solidarity for all ladies in the business. If I did so, however, the gents would have a valid complaint that I am pointing out annoying things the men do while glossing over the obnoxious foibles of women.

      I decided early on that I would snark everyone equally. This blog isn’t going to be reserved for jumping all over the menfolk – there’s probably lots of man-hating blogs out there, and those blogs can do as they please. I prefer to host a place where any reader can finally have the freedom to say, “YES! Why do people do that?” and Mamasan herself gets the pleasure of saying, “This? Don’t do this. It annoys me, yea verily, and it makes you look like an idiot.”

    • Allow me to put it a different way, because after reading your blog I think there’s a chance you’ve misunderstood me.

      I have never snarked anyone solely because I think my intellect and/or education is superior. (And if I ever do, give me a good smacking because I’ll have earned it.) Bad spelling and general ineptness with the language does irk me but I mostly ignore it – we all make mistakes, heya? That’s just spiteful and uncalled-for.

      HOWEVER. When you put yourself out there as “upscale and classy” and throw around highbrow words to make yourself sound educated, you didn’t just open the door, you kicked it down. In short, I didn’t mock this lady from some snotty sense that I’m better than her. I mocked her for pretending to be something she’s not, and doing so very badly at that.

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