You’ll give me a goat for a what?

April 23, 2010

This topic keeps coming up, no matter how I wish it will die a gruesome death, so I should probably put it in the primer.

Bartering.

Picture this. 

“Joe’s Plumbing, Joe the Plumber speaking.”

“Hi Joe, this is BigDaddy Hobbyist.  The wife wants a new faucet installed and I don’t have the time to do it myself.  Do you think you could take this on?”

“Sure.  I could have someone out Wednesday.  Is around four o’clock good for you?”

“That’s fine.  Say, it’s okay if I pay with a slightly used Dell notebook, right?  It’s worth at least $350.”

“…”

No?  You don’t think your plumber would go for that?  Okay, but surely your accountant would.  Or, say, you could mention this to your boss.  I bet he has something around the house he could offer you instead of your paycheck.  Yeah?  This works for you?

Right.  Thought not.

This is real simple.  We’re running a business here, not a garage sale.  A poster in the linked thread has a fine point about the debased currency, but my insurance company isn’t going to care about a spiel on the inherent worthlessness of fiat dollars as opposed to, say… a cow. 

Reasons Why Cash Is King:

– The insurance company and the landlord for my incall will take cash.  They will not take a slightly used Dell notebook. 

– If the cash is dirty, worn and spent some time in the asscrack of another woman, it is still a usable medium of exchange.  This is not true of the quality lingerie you offered as payment, which turns out to have belonged to your wife.

– If you promised to pay in photography services and the lady discovers too late that you don’t know which is the business end of the camera, she cannot demand you give the BBBJ back.

Barter Is Appropriate When:

– The lady posts a request for a specific item or service, which you happen to be able to offer.  Note that she is proposing the exchange.  It is her business, and she has now let you know that she will temporarily accept slightly used Dell notebooks in lieu of cash.  This does not mean you can offer her a set of used rims instead.

– You are a regular customer who has fallen on hard times.  It may be appropriate for you and a favorite ladyfriend to renegotiate the nature of your compensation for her time.  This is, of course, up to the lady in question.   

If you’re sitting on a lot of used/slightly used stuff and you’d like to parlay that into playtime, gents, Mamasan suggests eBay.  There’s lots more people there that want your stuff and will give you cash, and lots more ladies who will take cash than want your stuff.  See how that works?

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One Response to “You’ll give me a goat for a what?”

  1. Sarah Says:

    Mamasan, you took the words clean out of my mouth!


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