I’m getting such a kick out of Google.  The number one search for finding my blog is now “bbfs dallas”.  Wazzup, homies? 

Public Service Announcement

Ladies, my grandfather used to say to me that when someone tells you what sort of person they are, believe them.  This works as well for websites as for people.  Eccie has made their opinions clear.  Vote with your feet.  Starve the beast.  Nothing less will have an impact – you know this to be true, because you’ve been told so.

The sidepanel link to Eccie is gone.  You are all welcome to check out Ourhome2.  The traffic is terrible.  Stick it out anyhow.  Ask your clients to port their reviews of you over there.  Also, have a look at Brandy’s Bedroom.  She’s setting up a P411-style client written referencing system and a board for providers, by a provider.  Again, no traffic.  Mamasan never promised life would be easy.

Diversify your advertising.  Part of the problem is that Eccie believes it has in providers a captive audience, as it were.  That we have no choice but to remain on Eccie because we must advertise, and Eccie has the market cornered.  They are wrong.  To convince them of this, however, you will all have to learn to stop putting all of your advertisements in one basket.  Advertise on Eros, P411, Ourhome2, Brandy’s Bedroom, Date-Check… hell, advertise on CL and BP.  Put up a website.  If you need help with that, Mamasan recommends Veronica Moore (link on sidepanel) as being quite expert on all things tech.  Don’t ask Mamasan, I suck at technology.  Links to all the aforementioned sites on sidepanel.

Hop to it, gals. 

[/psa]

I have new linkage!  Found HookerAddict via Veronica’s blog.  This guy is hysterical.  Go read his latest blog post, “The Meet & The Greet” and tell me Mamasan is wrong.  I wasted most of a day reading his blog.  The comments are just as good.

Did a handsome, charming young guy buy you a drink at the bar? If so, I might have been standing next to that guy.

Y’know, on a certain level I suppose it is fun. Hell, I enjoy ‘em. But then again, I enjoy the zoo. Are they effective? I dunno about that. Effective how? My observation is that the guys tend to be time wasters, tire kicker, window shoppers. Not serious buyers. You should go.

I’m dying at the pictures, and I wish I knew how he did that.  Anyhow, HookerAddict is a hobbyist, who seems to not like the term, hobby boards or other hobbyists.  Or, well, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that he gets as much of a kick out of pointing and laughing at moronic behavior as I do.  Which means he has no dearth of material in the hobby.

Oh, and Han shot first.

Damned right he did.

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Mamasan is speechless

March 23, 2010

Wow.

Um… welll… I – er… wow.  I don’t even know how that would work.  I’m just a collection of random thoughts at the moment.

Can they even get undressed in ten minutes?

I’m always hearing this “filet mignon vs hamburger” analogy – so this must be, what, eating microwave pizza straight from the freezer?

Did they ask for MSOG?  (LOL.)

Don’t they have wives for that?  No, seriously, isn’t the whole point to hobbying that your wife/girlfriend won’t give you more than an occasional pokey (“Hurry up, I have to meet Josie for lunch”) so the real knock-out, sweaty, wild sessions with the biggest menu possible is where the real fun happens?

Did they mention gift cards to Target? 

Gawd, I don’t know whether to laugh or sit here with my WTF face on.  Off to go search for ten-minute reviews.  This ought to be good.

Someone found my blog using “p411 bbfs” as search terms.  Hello!  Bet YOU were just a wee bit surprised.  Nasty git, now go Google “oozing sores” and cover it up.

Still no healthcare wanking.  And I was so looking forward to it.  Imagine the potential!  The angst.  The woe.  The public statements of DNSing hobbyists and providers alike, merely for their politics.  Hobby community, if we can keep this subject wank-free for the rest of the week then Mamasan will say, well played.  Well played indeed.

Now, on to today’s snarking.  I know you know which thread is coming up.  You saw it and thought right off, “Ooh, this’ll be on Mamasan’s blog by the end of the day.”  How right you were, my friends.

The Last Words of Big Pimpin

Let me just get this out of the way, real quick-like, and then we can get to the discussion.  His wife was so completely standing over his shoulder as he typed that.  Bet you half a dollar.  (It’s part of standard couples therapy in regards to adultery now, you know.)

Big Pimpin, you are such a pussy.  And that’s all I have to say on him (surprise!).

My snark here is a related subject which 1) you can find illustrated in the linked thread and 2) has been kind of, sort of, rather (really) bothering the hell out of me for some time now.  It’s on this notion that it’s all the wife’s fault if her husband hobbies.  Well, if she’d have kept him happy at home…  Well, if she hadn’t nagged him…  Well, if she hadn’t driven him to it…

I’ll be the one to say it:  That’s such a crock of shit.

In the interests of full disclosure, I can be seen on Sarah’s blog stating that I think one of her recent blog posts on a less-extreme version of “why men hobby” sounds fairly accurate, and on my own blog quoted as saying, “They’re not bad, they’re lonely” of some of my own customers.

Not here to claim that women cannot be blamed – oftentimes, a measure of culpability can be leveled at them quite legitimately.  She took little pains with her appearance.  She treated him with scorn, disrespect, or as a tiresome duty.  Worse, she treated him as an ATM.  She was too busy to give the level of attention he desires to his physical and emotional needs.   She became sexless, or nearly so.  

All of these are very real, and very compelling, arguments that the woman holds some share of blame when her man strays.  What it doesn’t do is excuse him utterly. 

We’ve all seen the “My wife this” and “My wife that” on the boards, and providers have even heard it in session.  I’m willing to bet there’s a large percentage of truth in every one of those complaints, too.  What I’ve always wondered to myself is, what would the wife say about her hobbyist husband if we asked?  Big Pimpin made a (possibly forced, but let’s not speculate too wildly or we’ll never get anywhere) confession to verbally abusing his wife.  I’d imagine making nasty remarks to your life-partner has something to do with why she’s not aroused by you.

Is anyone really deluding themselves that ALL hobbyists are just charming, perfect husbands plagued with she-devil wives who drove the poor dears mercilessly into the arms of another woman? 

Being an adult means owning your own shit and working to resolve it.  You aren’t getting enough nookie from the little woman.  Well, have you asked her for more?  Have you had a frank discussion with your wife about the desire for passion in your marriage, and then followed up on this by doing things you think might make her more passionate towards you?  Bring home flowers from work.  Buy her a sexy nightie.  Kiss the back of her neck for no reason while she’s cooking your dinner or folding your socks.  Take her out on a date, fer crissake’s, and get her piss-faced drunk on good wine and then take her home where there are NO CHILDREN because you’ve wisely packed them off to your mother’s for the night, and shag like college kids.

She says something nasty and disrespectful.  Have you looked into counseling?  Mention to her that this sort of talk is not appropriate and makes you feel as if she despises you.   

She doesn’t look as good as she once did.  Buddy, I’m pretty certain you don’t either.  Join a gym with her.  Read to her an article about the risk of heart attack and tell her seriously you think you both ought to be more careful about your diet.  Reinforce any positive changes – if she’s finally put on makeup, tell her how pretty she looks.

Make a bloody effort, gents.  What can YOU do to fix the state of your home life and, specifically, your bedroom shenanigans. 

And if you’ve taken her to counseling, told her how pretty she looks on the occasions she makes some effort to look good, helped her diet, bought her nice things and flowers and done the dishes for her and packed the kids off to her mother’s so you could have alone time, had many honest and open discussions on the state of your marriage and your respective needs, and she’s still a rotten bitch…  Give a provider a call, because you’ve done all you can and, dammit, everyone needs to feel special and have the occasional sweaty orgasm.  You, sir, should hobby guilt-free with a piece of work like that at home to deal with.    

No one among you needs justify yourself to Mamasan.  I already assume most of my clientele (but then, I’m choosy) and the gents I like to converse with online have done what an adult needs to do.  

It annoys the piss out of me when I hear providers go on about, “Well, if she’d take better care of her man…”   Blah, blah, blah.  Shaddup.  Better yet, grow up.  You’re a woman, for the love of all that’s holy, you know exactly what it’s like to deal with men.  Some guys are sex addicts.  Some guys are assholes.  Come talk to Mamasan when you’re my age and tell me it’s all a woman’s fault.  When hobbyists go on about how their wife is a total shit and providers have attitude problems and whine, whine, no one understaaaaands me – I’m more inclined to think the problem is him, not whatever woman he’s blaming his life choices on today. 

A large portion of the hobby is that people make shitty decisions in life.  They’re bad husbands, or merely husbands who don’t communicate well.  Goofy women who haven’t fit themselves out for proper work or are incapable of living a responsible life, and turned to escorting because they left themselves little option.  The rest of us are just a bit tired of your self-justifying drivel.  Own your shit and move on – don’t wallow in all this “nothing is ever my fault” nonsense.

Bringing the crazy

March 21, 2010

So there I was.  Poked the internet in a lazy sort of manner a time or two, but it looked like no one was planning to go insane this weekend.  Hurrah for two rational days in a row!

I spoke too soon.  I bring you not one, not two, but THREE cases of complete WTFery.  Two in one thread.

 Do escorts need to like their clients?  Fluff question with an obvious answer, which explains why Mamasan didn’t catch this sooner.  No, we won’t tolerate a client who makes us want to claw his eyes out.  Screening exists for a reason.  Which is what the ladies said, in some variation, for a page. 

A fairly relaxed consensus was too much for one dipshit, whose main points seem to be that all providers are liars and that what’s actually for sale is their dignity.  Yea verily and forsooth, says this master of his domain, there is no provider who can pay their rent on time and therefore they will all be too desperate to ever turn down money.  Furthermore, providers cannot be truthful about hobbyists because that would lose them business, ergo all nice things providers say are bullshit.

Not that he’s bitter.

I would have passed this one up all by its onesies – the ladies seem to have everything well in hand – but then we get our second “Wait, seriously?” moment.  And it’s from a provider.

if you ever wanna know how much a provider likes you, try NOT PAYING at the end of the session.. all the “i like you” goes out the window..

Ah, that’s precious.  Set up an appointment for the purposes of theft of service.  If we’re a total doormat about being robbed, then perhaps we might be genuine.  Otherwise (aHA!) we’re just a bunch of lying liars and this proves we secretly disliked you from the start.

Is there anyone out there among you, dear readers, who is seriously contemplating this method of determining whether our fondness within a client/provider relationship is real?   If so, you’re a fucking idiot.  Mamasan has spoken.

Patty Hearst here needs to take a deep breath, and probably quite a lot of Prozac.  I’m really curious if this desperate ass-kissing style of business nets her more sessions.  Perhaps this is all merely a clever ruse to get a significant percentage of hobbyists blacklisted by other ladies, so they have no choice but to see her.  We may never know.

But wait!  Our dear Patty cannot stop there.  The gentlemen responding don’t seem to have taken to her fabulous plan, so she restates it in case they didn’t fully grasp her brilliance the first time around.

Its pretty far off base to assume ladies are only seeing guys they “like”, since so many are seen complaining in coed all the time about guys smells, guys attitudes, guys this and guys that.. so therefore they aren’t seeing “sure things”.. they are taking money from guys they would never give the time of day otherwise.. Don’t pay after BCD and see how much she likes you

Only this time she’s trying to convince the gents that all their lady friends are talking mad smack about them in the backchannel (the nasty bitches!).  See, gents?  Don’t see all those other yucky ladies.  Better yet, go see them and then don’t pay them.  Expecting payment for services rendered, bah!  Don’t worry, Honest Patty will be around to take real good care of you after those trash-talking meanies toy with you like that. 

Funny, I thought Eccie had policies about talking in public about what’s said in the backchannels.  This gal claims quite openly to be revealing info from the PIE.  Any takers on a bet of mod action here?  Anyone?  Buehler?

Which leaves us with Stupid Git #3.  What is it with Dallas hobbyists and gift cards?

Shall we tell him?

March 18, 2010

I’m sending this guy a bill for a new monitor, as I spit coffee on mine when I read his post.

I can’t get action from providers! What am I doing wrong!?  Can anybody tell me what I am doing wrong! I called Iris from backpage about two weeks ago for an outcall I didn’t argue over the donation, I wasn’t rude, I speak proper english and texted my address like she requested. She told me she will be there within 35 minutes, LIE, one hour later she is not answering my calls. I asked for a courtesy call or message through text but she didn’t reply and I gave up. The following week I called her and asked for her services again. She asked me to text her my address and again was a no call no show!! Well, I called Maria from backpage that same day and we came to an agreement on a donation. She told me she can be at my place in 45min. One hour came and went and no show. I called her and she told me her gps said 35 to arrival so I patiently waited. After another hour I called her back and she didn’t answer. Yesterday I called Dani from backpage who also gave me the run around and was a no call no show as well!! Three providers have stood me so I am wondering what is going on. I follow everything they ask on their ads I am hispanic just like them, I don’t argue on donation, live in a private secure complex, and don’t get an attitude when they don’t show when they said so what am I doing wrong?? Can anybody help me with this problem

Lordie.  Sweets, there’s nothing wrong with you that a clue-by-four upside the head wouldn’t cure.  Just to prove my point:

I’m done with hispanic providers i’m going back to asians.

I’ll get to the attitude problem in a minute, I’d just like to say:  In Texas?  Fucking good luck with that.  How new must you be to even threaten a “No Latina” policy?  Readers, we have a winner here!  I can tell. 

So.  Attitude problem.  Lack of research.  Calls providers at a quarter past f’ing midnight and expects immediate appointment.  Calls BP girls (motto: Caveat emptor, AHAHAHA).  No apparent references.  No apparent brains.  Asks about money after reading an ad (in Houston!).  Calls providers who have already NCNS’ed him. 

And yet, he is so puzzled, he is, as to WHY he is not getting any action.  Sacre bleu!  It is so strange, eh wot?  Whatever could possibly be the problem?

Dude, you’re like a toddler waving around a loaded gun.  You need a spanking, and I wonder at your parents.  If I ever catch you calling providers in the wee sma’s for no-notice/no-reference sessions again, I will personally bitch-slap you.

Sit down.  Read.  Research.  Call only proven ladies if you’ve got limited time/funds.  Learn how to spell “rookie”.  Like every good Texan, love the Latinas as much as you fear them, for they will shave your balls while you sleep and pour hot sauce on them.  Above all else, Mamasan’s Rule #1:  Good playtime is earned – no one owes you a damned thing.

***

In an unrelated snark, a poster is faced with the inconceivable.  Providers will turn down my money?  The hell you say!  Everyone knows providers are so broke and desperate they’ll do anything for a few bills, even see him.  (LOLunintentionalirony) 

Fuck that puto.

That’s all I have to say on that.

Chevalier asks in a recent blog post:

  • On average, are P4P clients “worse” than men in general?
  • On average, are participants on review/discussion boards “worse” than P4P clients in general?
  • If so, it it because boards attract that kind of person or create that kind of person?
  • Is an alternative without the drawbacks, but still as a good target audience for the ladies’ advertising, feasible?

All remarkably good questions.  I’m devoting a blog to it as I’d suck up too much space in a comment.

Are hobbyists worse than men in general?  No, I don’t think so.  Like any cross-section of humanity, you’ll find some particularly scabby types, a few downright villainous characters, the odd touchy-sensitive crybaby. 

Most of my clientele are men aged 35-60, and are either sex addicts or starved for positive attention/playtime.  They’re not bad, they’re lonely.  I’m rather fond of many of them.

If anything, it’s possible that hobbyists are easier to deal with than civilian men.  The hobbyists will often know what they want and have no shame in communicating this to you, and discuss their needs freely (for men) to each other.  Whether they can translate these healthy habits over into their personal life is something I’ve never determined. 

Are male posters on hobby boards generally worse than hobbyists in general?  Yes.  God, yes.  In my (overstated) opinion, active board posters are emotionally needy men who seek out message boards for validation, not hobbying.  How emotionally needy correlates to how much they spam the board with their posts. 

Infrequent posters and lurkers are the true hobbiers.  They’re there to utilize the tools available to facilitate the hobby experience… and to make the occasional post on a thread that looks interesting, though this wasn’t the objective when they logged on.

Does the board attract or create the sort of poster found on their site?  Both.  A “hobbyist-friendly” board with a prediliction for spite and misogyny will attract more members like those already there.  Hobbyists found the board by looking for other hobbyists; those who aren’t hobbyists quickly go elsewhere.  Like seeks out like.

But, a man who squirmed at first upon seeing nasty words thrown about like confetti soon settles in.  When in Rome, and all that.  Parrot the views of your peers long enough and they will become your views as well, or near enough as to make no difference.

Is the creation of an alternative board possible?  Mamasan thinks anything is possible.  There’s certainly room enough on the web for more than one message board.  Perhaps more to the point is asking whether Eccie has what it takes to remain the only viable solution, which it is right now.  Mamasan doubts it.  The place is crumbling from within.  Ladies are walking out in rather alarming numbers, and some very quality ladies at that.  For all everyone loves to talk about “this board is for hobbyists” and “it’s about reviews for the guys”, we’ll have to see if they still maintain that the ladies are naught but mere afterthoughts on their boards when ladies become thin on the ground.

Thinner than they are already, I mean.

You can already find men posting on other sites that they are leaving Eccie because of the male attitude problems and the good women are jumping ship.  That is what Mamasan calls a “bad sign”.

And the minions swing into action with a quickness.  Good catch, Anonymous.  This one’s got it all: cross-gender hysterics, martyrdom, epic failure-to-get-it, and nice potential for flouncing off in a huff.  Brilliant.

Wherein a Houston ASPD moderator demonstrates that, of all the things he learned in years of moderating and hosting, the one thing he did not learn from the December social raid is that, “It’s okay, he’s with me” is still a bad idea.

To sum it up:

A male mod asks a question to which he didn’t really want an answer.  He gets one anyway.  Cue reply of, “FINE, well, if you just DON’T LOVE ME then I guess I’ll shut up.  I’m a MOD, but what do I know after YEARS of killing myself for you people.  *sniff*” which is extraordinary mostly for the fact he doesn’t realize he sounds like his wife.  First respondent and another mod tell him his butt looks fine in those jeans try to calm him down.  He climbs up on his cross and does a Jesus impersonation.

Wank, wank, wank.

Friendship with a mod does not count as a BCD reference.  I’m rather surprised this question was even posed.  No, let me clarify:  I’m surprised this question was posed by a long-time mod and experienced hobbyist.  Idiots and n00bs ask it all the time. 

No, we will not call your buddy because he’ll say you’re “cool”.  No, we will not accept another hobbyist at a social saying, “Oh, yeah, sure, he’s a great guy.”  Listen close, gents, and I’ll tell you why not.

We’re asking different things.

YOU are saying that he’s amusing and you’d buy him a beer.  We want to know how often he showers, is he respectful to women, is he punctual, what triggers his jimmy and the jimmy’s rough dimensions.

If you can speak from personal experience on all that – including the last two – then Mamasan will accept a reference from a male hobbyist and promises to be very discreet about your relationship with him.  Until then?  Wanker, please.  Not only am I eyeballing your posts as prime “emotionally high-maintenance” red flag material, Mamasan is also getting strong whiffs that you think you and your hobby pals ought to be outside the normal rules and SOP because you are “important”.  Seriously?  You post on the internet.  That doesn’t make you important.  Go cure male pattern baldness or something and then get back to me.