I LOL’ed

April 21, 2010

Hi, guys!  It’s been awhile, huh?  How’ve things been?  Good?  Great.  Me, I’m pretty mosquito-bitten – I swear, I saw one of the buggers eat a bee the other day.  Everything’s been quiet lately, yeah?  I know.  And I only update this blog when people are doing or saying something particularly stupid, so since Eccie’s behaving at the moment…

I found the stupid.  It was hiding over on OurHome2.  (Hat tip to a Minion.  Good find.)

Wanker #1 starts wanking waxes poetic about this ad.  Yeah, I suppose she’s got a bit of a point.  I did cringe when I saw the ad title.  But… meh.  Either titling your ad “IS YOUR SO A BITCH” will get you sessions or it won’t.

But wait!  There’s more!

A gent has the audacity, the sheer temerity, to display a lack of outrage.  (What an asshole!)  Wanker #1 publically threatens a DNS list addition for him and anyone else who thinks like him.  Not that this is an overreaction LIKE WHOA, SERIOUSLY?  (This sort of hair-on-fire behavior over nothing is typical of Wanker #1 – well known for it.)

Go ahead and giggle, I did.  

While I’m at it, Wanker #1.  Types.  Like William Shatner;  Talks.  Mamasan is.  Deriving much personal.  Amusement from this.

But wait!  There’s more!

Second, you really need to remember what a provider is … quite simply, a whore. 

Wanker #2 chimes in!  To which Mamasan says:  Oh hellllll no, you didn’t just go there.  What is with the hobbyists who think they can pull that, “Well, you’re a WHORE” argument out of their pocket and slap it down like the ace of spades as an automatic I-win-every-argument.  Irony, motherfucker – look it up.

You could also title this one, “Reality?  I think I ate there once.  Right next to Denny’s, isn’t it?”

ETA:  And we have an update.  LOL.  Although it would probably be funnier if I knew what either of them were saying. 

The post that looks blank originally read:

I’ll say it for you.

BITCH.

For the win!

I’m thinking this didn’t turn out the way Wanker #1 pictured it.

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LOLwhut?!

March 27, 2010

HAY I HAZ GR8 IDEA!!!

What do you think this is, Costco?  Free samples.  I have now heard it all.

Side note: And what is this “dawg” shit?  Hobbying – it’s how pudgy middle-aged white men get to pretend they’re on MTV.

Jesus H. Christ.  Some people.

There’s been a dearth of snark-worthy material lately.  Oh, there’s the usual dozen threads asking if ladies prefer hairy faces/balls over clean-shaven (giving the lie to the notion that there’s no such thing as a stupid question), some half-heartened complaints on both sides about discounts/free sessions for good reviews and the gratuitious “I’m a stud, look at meeeee!” stuff we see all the time.  Same shit, different day.

And then I find the motherlode of wank.  Literally.

Very long story cut short:  A guy (I won’t give him the term “hobbyist” as he’s got three reviews, all for >100 strip club fun) goes to a strip club and pays $200 to give himself a handjob.  Woe.  Is.  Him. 

Stupid bitch this, cunt that, skank ass blah blah blah, bitch, fat bitch, loser, stank ass, bitch, bitch, cunt.  This is everyone’s fault but mine.  Why are the girls ignoring me?  I’m a good-looking guy.  Just doesn’t make sense.  Maybe my youthful hot bod intimidated them.

The logic, it burns!  It burns like hygiene!  Seriously?  They won’t talk to you because you’re a pissy little twat, and a cheap fuck to boot.  You win the Justifying My Existence award for the week, young feller!

So, with jizz staining his jeans, Our Handsome Hero exits the club and has a philosophical moment. 

After this debacle I am not going to SC’s for extras anymore. Just isn’t worth it. I’m tired of trying to get to someplace at a certain time for the “early bird special”. I’m tired of the weird ass looks from dancers and staff when I get there and the only other guys in the place are retirees. I’m tired of the rushed feeling for something that should be enjoyed. I’m tired of the lack of intimacy. I’m tired of overpaying. I’m tired of all of the drinking before and after. I’m tired off all of the associated costs. I’m tired of always looking in the rear view for cops so I don’t get busted. This shit just isn’t fun. I really think that if I really need a release, and there aren’t any options on the bootie call list, I’ll just try out a provider or go to AMPs. I think it will be cheaper in the long run and I could probably enjoy myself. I know I’ll probably drink less overall.

Yes!,  Yes, my son, you are now getting it!  Isn’t it a wonderful moment?  The problem isn’t the strip club and isn’t the dancers, it is YOU.  You were expecting too much, for too little in return, from women whose job isn’t to offer it.  In public, no less.  Instead you can go to a woman who does offer it, for the same price, with more intimacy and less hassle.  Well done, lad, well done. 

Now, if we can just do something about this whiny attitude problem and your fucking mouth, a provider might actually see you.

I predict that within the week we see another thread by him moaning about dancers who won’t give him BBFS in public, or moaning about BP girls who won’t answer his middle-of-the-night phone calls.  Voice your thoughts now on what he’ll title that thread. 

I’m getting such a kick out of Google.  The number one search for finding my blog is now “bbfs dallas”.  Wazzup, homies? 

Public Service Announcement

Ladies, my grandfather used to say to me that when someone tells you what sort of person they are, believe them.  This works as well for websites as for people.  Eccie has made their opinions clear.  Vote with your feet.  Starve the beast.  Nothing less will have an impact – you know this to be true, because you’ve been told so.

The sidepanel link to Eccie is gone.  You are all welcome to check out Ourhome2.  The traffic is terrible.  Stick it out anyhow.  Ask your clients to port their reviews of you over there.  Also, have a look at Brandy’s Bedroom.  She’s setting up a P411-style client written referencing system and a board for providers, by a provider.  Again, no traffic.  Mamasan never promised life would be easy.

Diversify your advertising.  Part of the problem is that Eccie believes it has in providers a captive audience, as it were.  That we have no choice but to remain on Eccie because we must advertise, and Eccie has the market cornered.  They are wrong.  To convince them of this, however, you will all have to learn to stop putting all of your advertisements in one basket.  Advertise on Eros, P411, Ourhome2, Brandy’s Bedroom, Date-Check… hell, advertise on CL and BP.  Put up a website.  If you need help with that, Mamasan recommends Veronica Moore (link on sidepanel) as being quite expert on all things tech.  Don’t ask Mamasan, I suck at technology.  Links to all the aforementioned sites on sidepanel.

Hop to it, gals. 

[/psa]

I have new linkage!  Found HookerAddict via Veronica’s blog.  This guy is hysterical.  Go read his latest blog post, “The Meet & The Greet” and tell me Mamasan is wrong.  I wasted most of a day reading his blog.  The comments are just as good.

Did a handsome, charming young guy buy you a drink at the bar? If so, I might have been standing next to that guy.

Y’know, on a certain level I suppose it is fun. Hell, I enjoy ‘em. But then again, I enjoy the zoo. Are they effective? I dunno about that. Effective how? My observation is that the guys tend to be time wasters, tire kicker, window shoppers. Not serious buyers. You should go.

I’m dying at the pictures, and I wish I knew how he did that.  Anyhow, HookerAddict is a hobbyist, who seems to not like the term, hobby boards or other hobbyists.  Or, well, perhaps it’s more accurate to say that he gets as much of a kick out of pointing and laughing at moronic behavior as I do.  Which means he has no dearth of material in the hobby.

Oh, and Han shot first.

Damned right he did.

Bringing the crazy

March 21, 2010

So there I was.  Poked the internet in a lazy sort of manner a time or two, but it looked like no one was planning to go insane this weekend.  Hurrah for two rational days in a row!

I spoke too soon.  I bring you not one, not two, but THREE cases of complete WTFery.  Two in one thread.

 Do escorts need to like their clients?  Fluff question with an obvious answer, which explains why Mamasan didn’t catch this sooner.  No, we won’t tolerate a client who makes us want to claw his eyes out.  Screening exists for a reason.  Which is what the ladies said, in some variation, for a page. 

A fairly relaxed consensus was too much for one dipshit, whose main points seem to be that all providers are liars and that what’s actually for sale is their dignity.  Yea verily and forsooth, says this master of his domain, there is no provider who can pay their rent on time and therefore they will all be too desperate to ever turn down money.  Furthermore, providers cannot be truthful about hobbyists because that would lose them business, ergo all nice things providers say are bullshit.

Not that he’s bitter.

I would have passed this one up all by its onesies – the ladies seem to have everything well in hand – but then we get our second “Wait, seriously?” moment.  And it’s from a provider.

if you ever wanna know how much a provider likes you, try NOT PAYING at the end of the session.. all the “i like you” goes out the window..

Ah, that’s precious.  Set up an appointment for the purposes of theft of service.  If we’re a total doormat about being robbed, then perhaps we might be genuine.  Otherwise (aHA!) we’re just a bunch of lying liars and this proves we secretly disliked you from the start.

Is there anyone out there among you, dear readers, who is seriously contemplating this method of determining whether our fondness within a client/provider relationship is real?   If so, you’re a fucking idiot.  Mamasan has spoken.

Patty Hearst here needs to take a deep breath, and probably quite a lot of Prozac.  I’m really curious if this desperate ass-kissing style of business nets her more sessions.  Perhaps this is all merely a clever ruse to get a significant percentage of hobbyists blacklisted by other ladies, so they have no choice but to see her.  We may never know.

But wait!  Our dear Patty cannot stop there.  The gentlemen responding don’t seem to have taken to her fabulous plan, so she restates it in case they didn’t fully grasp her brilliance the first time around.

Its pretty far off base to assume ladies are only seeing guys they “like”, since so many are seen complaining in coed all the time about guys smells, guys attitudes, guys this and guys that.. so therefore they aren’t seeing “sure things”.. they are taking money from guys they would never give the time of day otherwise.. Don’t pay after BCD and see how much she likes you

Only this time she’s trying to convince the gents that all their lady friends are talking mad smack about them in the backchannel (the nasty bitches!).  See, gents?  Don’t see all those other yucky ladies.  Better yet, go see them and then don’t pay them.  Expecting payment for services rendered, bah!  Don’t worry, Honest Patty will be around to take real good care of you after those trash-talking meanies toy with you like that. 

Funny, I thought Eccie had policies about talking in public about what’s said in the backchannels.  This gal claims quite openly to be revealing info from the PIE.  Any takers on a bet of mod action here?  Anyone?  Buehler?

Which leaves us with Stupid Git #3.  What is it with Dallas hobbyists and gift cards?

Shall we tell him?

March 18, 2010

I’m sending this guy a bill for a new monitor, as I spit coffee on mine when I read his post.

I can’t get action from providers! What am I doing wrong!?  Can anybody tell me what I am doing wrong! I called Iris from backpage about two weeks ago for an outcall I didn’t argue over the donation, I wasn’t rude, I speak proper english and texted my address like she requested. She told me she will be there within 35 minutes, LIE, one hour later she is not answering my calls. I asked for a courtesy call or message through text but she didn’t reply and I gave up. The following week I called her and asked for her services again. She asked me to text her my address and again was a no call no show!! Well, I called Maria from backpage that same day and we came to an agreement on a donation. She told me she can be at my place in 45min. One hour came and went and no show. I called her and she told me her gps said 35 to arrival so I patiently waited. After another hour I called her back and she didn’t answer. Yesterday I called Dani from backpage who also gave me the run around and was a no call no show as well!! Three providers have stood me so I am wondering what is going on. I follow everything they ask on their ads I am hispanic just like them, I don’t argue on donation, live in a private secure complex, and don’t get an attitude when they don’t show when they said so what am I doing wrong?? Can anybody help me with this problem

Lordie.  Sweets, there’s nothing wrong with you that a clue-by-four upside the head wouldn’t cure.  Just to prove my point:

I’m done with hispanic providers i’m going back to asians.

I’ll get to the attitude problem in a minute, I’d just like to say:  In Texas?  Fucking good luck with that.  How new must you be to even threaten a “No Latina” policy?  Readers, we have a winner here!  I can tell. 

So.  Attitude problem.  Lack of research.  Calls providers at a quarter past f’ing midnight and expects immediate appointment.  Calls BP girls (motto: Caveat emptor, AHAHAHA).  No apparent references.  No apparent brains.  Asks about money after reading an ad (in Houston!).  Calls providers who have already NCNS’ed him. 

And yet, he is so puzzled, he is, as to WHY he is not getting any action.  Sacre bleu!  It is so strange, eh wot?  Whatever could possibly be the problem?

Dude, you’re like a toddler waving around a loaded gun.  You need a spanking, and I wonder at your parents.  If I ever catch you calling providers in the wee sma’s for no-notice/no-reference sessions again, I will personally bitch-slap you.

Sit down.  Read.  Research.  Call only proven ladies if you’ve got limited time/funds.  Learn how to spell “rookie”.  Like every good Texan, love the Latinas as much as you fear them, for they will shave your balls while you sleep and pour hot sauce on them.  Above all else, Mamasan’s Rule #1:  Good playtime is earned – no one owes you a damned thing.

***

In an unrelated snark, a poster is faced with the inconceivable.  Providers will turn down my money?  The hell you say!  Everyone knows providers are so broke and desperate they’ll do anything for a few bills, even see him.  (LOLunintentionalirony) 

Fuck that puto.

That’s all I have to say on that.

And the minions swing into action with a quickness.  Good catch, Anonymous.  This one’s got it all: cross-gender hysterics, martyrdom, epic failure-to-get-it, and nice potential for flouncing off in a huff.  Brilliant.

Wherein a Houston ASPD moderator demonstrates that, of all the things he learned in years of moderating and hosting, the one thing he did not learn from the December social raid is that, “It’s okay, he’s with me” is still a bad idea.

To sum it up:

A male mod asks a question to which he didn’t really want an answer.  He gets one anyway.  Cue reply of, “FINE, well, if you just DON’T LOVE ME then I guess I’ll shut up.  I’m a MOD, but what do I know after YEARS of killing myself for you people.  *sniff*” which is extraordinary mostly for the fact he doesn’t realize he sounds like his wife.  First respondent and another mod tell him his butt looks fine in those jeans try to calm him down.  He climbs up on his cross and does a Jesus impersonation.

Wank, wank, wank.

Friendship with a mod does not count as a BCD reference.  I’m rather surprised this question was even posed.  No, let me clarify:  I’m surprised this question was posed by a long-time mod and experienced hobbyist.  Idiots and n00bs ask it all the time. 

No, we will not call your buddy because he’ll say you’re “cool”.  No, we will not accept another hobbyist at a social saying, “Oh, yeah, sure, he’s a great guy.”  Listen close, gents, and I’ll tell you why not.

We’re asking different things.

YOU are saying that he’s amusing and you’d buy him a beer.  We want to know how often he showers, is he respectful to women, is he punctual, what triggers his jimmy and the jimmy’s rough dimensions.

If you can speak from personal experience on all that – including the last two – then Mamasan will accept a reference from a male hobbyist and promises to be very discreet about your relationship with him.  Until then?  Wanker, please.  Not only am I eyeballing your posts as prime “emotionally high-maintenance” red flag material, Mamasan is also getting strong whiffs that you think you and your hobby pals ought to be outside the normal rules and SOP because you are “important”.  Seriously?  You post on the internet.  That doesn’t make you important.  Go cure male pattern baldness or something and then get back to me.