Fap-fap-fap-fap-fap

April 24, 2010

It’s been more than a month since the healthcare bill was passed and no political circle-jerks in sight!  Well played, hobby community, well pla-  never mind.

A hobbyist posts a very heartfelt and unabashedly pleading thread to ask for donations.  His ATF has suffered an unfortunate, and severe, car crash.  Not only is her vehicle apparently totaled and she herself unable to work until she has healed, but she is so seriously injured she’s in the ICU.

This differs from the usual crop of “help, help, please give me money” threads on several counts.

1. The OP has a bit of a reputation for having a stick up his ass about providers in general, so any lady good enough to win his affections must be something else indeed.

2. He’s not only opening himself up to being humiliated in public, he’s putting his real name at some risk by setting up means to accept donations on his ATF’s behalf. 

3. The provider isn’t asking for rent money because she’s broke and maybe/probably needs money management as much as she needs funds.  This is a genuine financial catastrophe.

My opinion of this guy just went up quite a bit.

Aaaand someone immediately takes the opportunity to say this proves the OP is wrong about Obamacare, which would fix his ATF’s problems. 

Someone else says Obamacare would shove her in a closet, and maybe she’d DIE!!!1

I can see they’ve fully grasped this woman’s personal tragedy.  (As a tool to flog their dead horses.  Self-centered?  Never!)   

Maybe if he changed his signature to appear neutral. That stuff rubs some people the wrong way and some may withhold donations.
WINNER!  Say only what I agree with, or the girl gets it.  Bitch, are you for real?  A woman is lying in the intensive care unit and this People’s Choice Award is more concerned with making sure to silence political opposition.
Not precisely oozing the milk of human kindness, eh wot? 
What is typical liberal bull? Getting something for doing nothing?
Mamasan ain’t sayin’ a damned thing.  Nope.
I wonder how these Obama haters felt during the Bush Administration.

Was life all sweet and peachy for them? If it was, then they were in a small minority.

Damned straight.  This’ll teach the OP not to like Obama.
Good sweet Christ on a cracker.  Winning hearts and changing minds for Obamacare, all right.  I read a blog yesterday which mentioned a band that plays a song which reminds me of this thread.  (That sentence was a  mouthful.)  Something about gouging my eyes out to make the pain stop and, Jesus, does it never end?  Most appropriate.
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I LOL’ed

April 21, 2010

Hi, guys!  It’s been awhile, huh?  How’ve things been?  Good?  Great.  Me, I’m pretty mosquito-bitten – I swear, I saw one of the buggers eat a bee the other day.  Everything’s been quiet lately, yeah?  I know.  And I only update this blog when people are doing or saying something particularly stupid, so since Eccie’s behaving at the moment…

I found the stupid.  It was hiding over on OurHome2.  (Hat tip to a Minion.  Good find.)

Wanker #1 starts wanking waxes poetic about this ad.  Yeah, I suppose she’s got a bit of a point.  I did cringe when I saw the ad title.  But… meh.  Either titling your ad “IS YOUR SO A BITCH” will get you sessions or it won’t.

But wait!  There’s more!

A gent has the audacity, the sheer temerity, to display a lack of outrage.  (What an asshole!)  Wanker #1 publically threatens a DNS list addition for him and anyone else who thinks like him.  Not that this is an overreaction LIKE WHOA, SERIOUSLY?  (This sort of hair-on-fire behavior over nothing is typical of Wanker #1 – well known for it.)

Go ahead and giggle, I did.  

While I’m at it, Wanker #1.  Types.  Like William Shatner;  Talks.  Mamasan is.  Deriving much personal.  Amusement from this.

But wait!  There’s more!

Second, you really need to remember what a provider is … quite simply, a whore. 

Wanker #2 chimes in!  To which Mamasan says:  Oh hellllll no, you didn’t just go there.  What is with the hobbyists who think they can pull that, “Well, you’re a WHORE” argument out of their pocket and slap it down like the ace of spades as an automatic I-win-every-argument.  Irony, motherfucker – look it up.

You could also title this one, “Reality?  I think I ate there once.  Right next to Denny’s, isn’t it?”

ETA:  And we have an update.  LOL.  Although it would probably be funnier if I knew what either of them were saying. 

The post that looks blank originally read:

I’ll say it for you.

BITCH.

For the win!

I’m thinking this didn’t turn out the way Wanker #1 pictured it.

Well, after several days of peaceful inanity we are back to reasonable threads descending to a stupidity stampede in five posts or less.  (You knew it was too good to last.)

OP posts a mild rant to say, “WALDT – STFU.”

You would think this is obvious and non-controversial, resulting only in a lot of “+1!” and LOLcat.  You would be wrong.

Correspondingly, MOST of us understand the concept of being grandfathered in. WE pay a provider a certain amount and really don’t care if she raises her rates….we continue to pay the same amount, year after year. Even if you don’t see a provider often, WE continue to make the same donation.

Yep, this is the same guy who tries to get $200 overnights.  I have it on firmest authority that his confidence here is based on internet theory and not on personal experience.  Someone should do him a big favor and let him know his reputation for being a cheap schmuck far outweighs and serves to negate any claims that, “Well, if she doesn’t like it then I won’t see her.”  You see, my fine fat friend, we don’t much care that you think your $150 is too good for us when we’re doing very well with the gents who pay us twice that.

But go ahead and think we cry ourselves to sleep at night for loss of your company.  Whatever gets you through the day, sweet cheeks.

No it is not just their money . It is our money next time you want to see the same girl, and she is thinking I deserve a tip based on my rates.

For the win!  Don’t tip – it’s like taking money from some other hobbyist.  Batshit just exploded his brain.

Let me see if I can follow this train of thought.  (Might be difficult, but I will try!) 

If one guy out of ten tips an extra bill, a provider will of course not think that either she did an exceptional job for this fellow or that this one guy is particularly generous.  No, she will assume the other nine were being cheap by not overpaying by a full bill.  And she will then cause problems for all the other hobbyists by demanding the extra money.

OR…

If nine guys out of ten tip a provider by a small amount, then she will take from that a notion that she is undercharging for her skills and appeal, and will subsequently raise her rates.

First scenario:  I am pretty damned sure this is not a common enough problem to justify your bitching at every guy who tips big.  Are you trying to say that if this had EVER happened, the provider in question would not immediately be thrown in the Alert section and get herself a ten page thread?  *snork*  Sure.  Some gents out there will be exceptionally nice to the ladies they see.  Put on your big-boy panties and deal with it.

Second scenario:  Not only likely, but economically accurate.  Aww, the new awesome girl is making money and now may or may not give it to you for quite so cheaply?  My heart bleeds for you, truly it does.  Your life is surely full of angst and woe.  There, there.  

Capitalism, gents!  It’s the breakfast of champions.

Mamasan is speechless

March 23, 2010

Wow.

Um… welll… I – er… wow.  I don’t even know how that would work.  I’m just a collection of random thoughts at the moment.

Can they even get undressed in ten minutes?

I’m always hearing this “filet mignon vs hamburger” analogy – so this must be, what, eating microwave pizza straight from the freezer?

Did they ask for MSOG?  (LOL.)

Don’t they have wives for that?  No, seriously, isn’t the whole point to hobbying that your wife/girlfriend won’t give you more than an occasional pokey (“Hurry up, I have to meet Josie for lunch”) so the real knock-out, sweaty, wild sessions with the biggest menu possible is where the real fun happens?

Did they mention gift cards to Target? 

Gawd, I don’t know whether to laugh or sit here with my WTF face on.  Off to go search for ten-minute reviews.  This ought to be good.

Someone found my blog using “p411 bbfs” as search terms.  Hello!  Bet YOU were just a wee bit surprised.  Nasty git, now go Google “oozing sores” and cover it up.

Still no healthcare wanking.  And I was so looking forward to it.  Imagine the potential!  The angst.  The woe.  The public statements of DNSing hobbyists and providers alike, merely for their politics.  Hobby community, if we can keep this subject wank-free for the rest of the week then Mamasan will say, well played.  Well played indeed.

Now, on to today’s snarking.  I know you know which thread is coming up.  You saw it and thought right off, “Ooh, this’ll be on Mamasan’s blog by the end of the day.”  How right you were, my friends.

The Last Words of Big Pimpin

Let me just get this out of the way, real quick-like, and then we can get to the discussion.  His wife was so completely standing over his shoulder as he typed that.  Bet you half a dollar.  (It’s part of standard couples therapy in regards to adultery now, you know.)

Big Pimpin, you are such a pussy.  And that’s all I have to say on him (surprise!).

My snark here is a related subject which 1) you can find illustrated in the linked thread and 2) has been kind of, sort of, rather (really) bothering the hell out of me for some time now.  It’s on this notion that it’s all the wife’s fault if her husband hobbies.  Well, if she’d have kept him happy at home…  Well, if she hadn’t nagged him…  Well, if she hadn’t driven him to it…

I’ll be the one to say it:  That’s such a crock of shit.

In the interests of full disclosure, I can be seen on Sarah’s blog stating that I think one of her recent blog posts on a less-extreme version of “why men hobby” sounds fairly accurate, and on my own blog quoted as saying, “They’re not bad, they’re lonely” of some of my own customers.

Not here to claim that women cannot be blamed – oftentimes, a measure of culpability can be leveled at them quite legitimately.  She took little pains with her appearance.  She treated him with scorn, disrespect, or as a tiresome duty.  Worse, she treated him as an ATM.  She was too busy to give the level of attention he desires to his physical and emotional needs.   She became sexless, or nearly so.  

All of these are very real, and very compelling, arguments that the woman holds some share of blame when her man strays.  What it doesn’t do is excuse him utterly. 

We’ve all seen the “My wife this” and “My wife that” on the boards, and providers have even heard it in session.  I’m willing to bet there’s a large percentage of truth in every one of those complaints, too.  What I’ve always wondered to myself is, what would the wife say about her hobbyist husband if we asked?  Big Pimpin made a (possibly forced, but let’s not speculate too wildly or we’ll never get anywhere) confession to verbally abusing his wife.  I’d imagine making nasty remarks to your life-partner has something to do with why she’s not aroused by you.

Is anyone really deluding themselves that ALL hobbyists are just charming, perfect husbands plagued with she-devil wives who drove the poor dears mercilessly into the arms of another woman? 

Being an adult means owning your own shit and working to resolve it.  You aren’t getting enough nookie from the little woman.  Well, have you asked her for more?  Have you had a frank discussion with your wife about the desire for passion in your marriage, and then followed up on this by doing things you think might make her more passionate towards you?  Bring home flowers from work.  Buy her a sexy nightie.  Kiss the back of her neck for no reason while she’s cooking your dinner or folding your socks.  Take her out on a date, fer crissake’s, and get her piss-faced drunk on good wine and then take her home where there are NO CHILDREN because you’ve wisely packed them off to your mother’s for the night, and shag like college kids.

She says something nasty and disrespectful.  Have you looked into counseling?  Mention to her that this sort of talk is not appropriate and makes you feel as if she despises you.   

She doesn’t look as good as she once did.  Buddy, I’m pretty certain you don’t either.  Join a gym with her.  Read to her an article about the risk of heart attack and tell her seriously you think you both ought to be more careful about your diet.  Reinforce any positive changes – if she’s finally put on makeup, tell her how pretty she looks.

Make a bloody effort, gents.  What can YOU do to fix the state of your home life and, specifically, your bedroom shenanigans. 

And if you’ve taken her to counseling, told her how pretty she looks on the occasions she makes some effort to look good, helped her diet, bought her nice things and flowers and done the dishes for her and packed the kids off to her mother’s so you could have alone time, had many honest and open discussions on the state of your marriage and your respective needs, and she’s still a rotten bitch…  Give a provider a call, because you’ve done all you can and, dammit, everyone needs to feel special and have the occasional sweaty orgasm.  You, sir, should hobby guilt-free with a piece of work like that at home to deal with.    

No one among you needs justify yourself to Mamasan.  I already assume most of my clientele (but then, I’m choosy) and the gents I like to converse with online have done what an adult needs to do.  

It annoys the piss out of me when I hear providers go on about, “Well, if she’d take better care of her man…”   Blah, blah, blah.  Shaddup.  Better yet, grow up.  You’re a woman, for the love of all that’s holy, you know exactly what it’s like to deal with men.  Some guys are sex addicts.  Some guys are assholes.  Come talk to Mamasan when you’re my age and tell me it’s all a woman’s fault.  When hobbyists go on about how their wife is a total shit and providers have attitude problems and whine, whine, no one understaaaaands me – I’m more inclined to think the problem is him, not whatever woman he’s blaming his life choices on today. 

A large portion of the hobby is that people make shitty decisions in life.  They’re bad husbands, or merely husbands who don’t communicate well.  Goofy women who haven’t fit themselves out for proper work or are incapable of living a responsible life, and turned to escorting because they left themselves little option.  The rest of us are just a bit tired of your self-justifying drivel.  Own your shit and move on – don’t wallow in all this “nothing is ever my fault” nonsense.

Bringing the crazy

March 21, 2010

So there I was.  Poked the internet in a lazy sort of manner a time or two, but it looked like no one was planning to go insane this weekend.  Hurrah for two rational days in a row!

I spoke too soon.  I bring you not one, not two, but THREE cases of complete WTFery.  Two in one thread.

 Do escorts need to like their clients?  Fluff question with an obvious answer, which explains why Mamasan didn’t catch this sooner.  No, we won’t tolerate a client who makes us want to claw his eyes out.  Screening exists for a reason.  Which is what the ladies said, in some variation, for a page. 

A fairly relaxed consensus was too much for one dipshit, whose main points seem to be that all providers are liars and that what’s actually for sale is their dignity.  Yea verily and forsooth, says this master of his domain, there is no provider who can pay their rent on time and therefore they will all be too desperate to ever turn down money.  Furthermore, providers cannot be truthful about hobbyists because that would lose them business, ergo all nice things providers say are bullshit.

Not that he’s bitter.

I would have passed this one up all by its onesies – the ladies seem to have everything well in hand – but then we get our second “Wait, seriously?” moment.  And it’s from a provider.

if you ever wanna know how much a provider likes you, try NOT PAYING at the end of the session.. all the “i like you” goes out the window..

Ah, that’s precious.  Set up an appointment for the purposes of theft of service.  If we’re a total doormat about being robbed, then perhaps we might be genuine.  Otherwise (aHA!) we’re just a bunch of lying liars and this proves we secretly disliked you from the start.

Is there anyone out there among you, dear readers, who is seriously contemplating this method of determining whether our fondness within a client/provider relationship is real?   If so, you’re a fucking idiot.  Mamasan has spoken.

Patty Hearst here needs to take a deep breath, and probably quite a lot of Prozac.  I’m really curious if this desperate ass-kissing style of business nets her more sessions.  Perhaps this is all merely a clever ruse to get a significant percentage of hobbyists blacklisted by other ladies, so they have no choice but to see her.  We may never know.

But wait!  Our dear Patty cannot stop there.  The gentlemen responding don’t seem to have taken to her fabulous plan, so she restates it in case they didn’t fully grasp her brilliance the first time around.

Its pretty far off base to assume ladies are only seeing guys they “like”, since so many are seen complaining in coed all the time about guys smells, guys attitudes, guys this and guys that.. so therefore they aren’t seeing “sure things”.. they are taking money from guys they would never give the time of day otherwise.. Don’t pay after BCD and see how much she likes you

Only this time she’s trying to convince the gents that all their lady friends are talking mad smack about them in the backchannel (the nasty bitches!).  See, gents?  Don’t see all those other yucky ladies.  Better yet, go see them and then don’t pay them.  Expecting payment for services rendered, bah!  Don’t worry, Honest Patty will be around to take real good care of you after those trash-talking meanies toy with you like that. 

Funny, I thought Eccie had policies about talking in public about what’s said in the backchannels.  This gal claims quite openly to be revealing info from the PIE.  Any takers on a bet of mod action here?  Anyone?  Buehler?

Which leaves us with Stupid Git #3.  What is it with Dallas hobbyists and gift cards?