Sigh.  It’s almost disheartening how easily and often I can find these instances wherein both parties need a good smacking and to be sent to their corners until they learn how to behave.

On the other hand, I’ll have no shortage of material for my blog.  Silver lining!

Dear Hot Mess,

Posting (in Co-Ed) that you can’t wait to leave Austin and you’ll never come back because one would-be hobbyist was rude to you is just goofy.  What were they supposed to do, apologize and promise to run him out of town on a rail?  Guarantee a hassle-free Austin for your touring convenience?  Just please, pretty please, come back and see us sometime?  Ridiculous.  When you blame the whole town for one man, don’t be surprised when the whole town snarls back.

You, missy, are not helping anyone.  And your posts make my brain hurt.

Dear “LOL, I’m rude, I RAWK!”,

You’re a twat.  Twelve year old girls can come up with better insults.  Congratulations for one of the bitchier posts in Co-Ed – perhaps we should have you tested for estrogen.  What is it that you do, exactly, which allows you to pay $250 an hour for a lady’s time and yet being only slightly more coherent than a fifth-grader is not a problem? 

I’m catagorizing you with the many other men who remain unable to comprehend that this board contains not just hobbyists, but many of the hottest nymphomaniacs in the nation.  And they’re reading your post, genius.  

Don’t cock-swing unless you want the ladies to see what you’ve got.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: No matter how cool your “bros” on a message board think you are, until the bros grow vaginas it isn’t going to get you laid.  Duh, twitterfuck.

There is nothing nw under the sun.  We have all seen this one, in its many variations, and it invatiably starts with “I’ve got a great idea”.  The gist is:

A client would like to go on vacation, and he would like to take a lovely working companion with him.  Maybe to the Caymans, maybe on a cruise, perhaps to Rome.  But, you see, since the client will be paying so very much for the lady companion’s airfare, lodging, meals and expenses, he must insist upon a discount for her time.  Anything “free” or slightly higher will do.  This is, of course, pefectly logical seeing as she is getting a free vacation .  Right?

Gentlemen.  Let us be honest, one with the other.  There is no such thing as a free lunch, and you are not offering one now (although you are expecting one).  In truth, you are asking a lady to spend a week working for you.  A week in which she will be expected to provide her time and attention, devoted solely to you, in whatever measure you determine is “owed” to you.  Be frank; were this lady to spend her vacation lounging by the pool, seeing the nightlife, enjoying the fine cuisine or simply reading a book, as is her wont, with or without you by her side you would be mightily offended.  And why?  Because she is acting as if she is on vacation.  You expect her to work.  For a week.  With nothing to show for it but a tan she got whenever you decided she could have time to herself.

If you are flush and generous enough to send a lady on vacation without expectations, you’re a lovely soul and we all applaud your good nature.  When you want a lady to work for you, you must pay.  If you insist the lady do the work in Vegas then how she gets there is your problem, not hers.  She doesn’t owe you merely because you picked the venue.